So I must have feelings for someone according to one of my resolutions for this year?
But because I'm making it an obligation, does that mean I really like someone, or I'm just forcing myself to? I can't tell.
ドキドキしないでも。。まだいいか?
Knowing me, come tomorrow, and I'm gonna feel soo stupid for writing this, and I'll know my answer. And it'll be no.
♣ Shrin
♣ 07:47 PM eastern time on February 3, 2007
I always deny myself certain things that I want. It's because I think there is no way I can get them, me being the way I am. But today, watching Busu 11... =( Aghh... I'm pretty sure Busu is one of those feel good dramas for people to think, you can't possibly be as ugly as her.
So right now I'm sorta denying it for me. I've actually thought about it coming true, but there is NO freakin' way it'll happen because of who I am. And it has a less chance of happening next year ESPECIALLY cuz I know those school board people are just gonna be like, yeah baby we gon' transfer those elkinses to clements because thats where all the azns belong:O. And then it'll never happen there. Plus, it's already not possible from what we have now.
Man, I wish I actually knew what I wanted to do with my life, what to major in. I get so many emails a day asking me to join their college or whatever and I just kinda leave them there cuz I don't know what to do.
Truth is... I actually have a very faint idea of what I want to do. But I never tell anyone. NO ONE knows. And I'll never tell. It's because it's impossible for me to do so, since I'm not good at it anyway, and don't you freakin' think that there's nothing in this world I'm bad in CUZ THERE IS. It's this. I sorta want to do this but knowing what I'm capable of, I know I can't make a living out of it.
There, I've finally said it.
I need to do something with my life...
I always tell myself I'm gonna do something but then last second, I freak and end up not doing it. I'm scared of failure. I've been so perfect (OK I KNOW, I'm exaggerating, but whatever) that I can't and won't mess up. I'm too scared to.
That's why I have to get out in the world. DX
That's why I made it one of my New Year's resolutions to do what I tell myself I'm going to do.
...but I still can't tell myself to do what I'm thinking about doing. IT'S FREAKIN' TOMORROW AND I HAVE TO DECIDE NOW.
Even though all those freakin different fortunes are giving me a boring 2007, I'm not gonna let that happen.
♣ Shrin
♣ 09:50 PM eastern time on February 7, 2007
♣ MUSIC: Cindy and Annie playing the piano
Don't you just LOVE how easily and quickly I'm able to change my opinion, the way I feel, just because I want to?
That doesn't make me a good friend then, does it.
Cuz like, because I didn't want to do something that just naturally happens to people, I made myself not do it and now I'm cured!
Just wonderful, isn't it.
--
Today in Spanish, it was CRAZY. (Isn't it always?)
We didn't have a sub for the first ten minutes. We thought we weren't gonna have a sub at all cuz 6th period didn't have a sub but then Ms. Gomez came which was just like not having a sub. She just sat there and watched the class go balistic.
I would upload the pics I took of the crazy things they did but right now, all the USB plugs are being used. Oops.
I wish one day, I could bring a camcorder and just sit there and record what Spanish is like. It's hilarious. I crack up like all the time.
Example:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=doSNFjLuWIE <-- Spanish project. You kinda have to know Spanish to understand. It's calmer than what you see in class though. :o
--
EDIT: Wouldn't hospitality be a fun field to try out? I'm gonna mark it down for senior year even though I don't have the prerequisites for it. Dx Plus, I was gonna do it for junior year in the first place but for some freakin' reason, my course selection sheet didn't have it while Ariel's did, and um... like.. we're in the same grade and we had the same sheet except for that extra choice. Dx I dislike.
BUT... That means I can't have two off periods at the end of the day. *cries* Colton was right; deciding right away that you're gonna have two off periods (or off periods at all) ain't gon' happen. =( I cry. I WANT A BREAK FROM SCHOOL.
♣ Shrin
♣ 10:01 PM eastern time on February 16, 2007
I feel like writing something.
But I don't know what to write. :x
I think it's because I'm just so crazy happy that we have no homework. Cuz it's illegal for Texas to have homework the day before TAKS. YEAH BABY. THANK YOU TEXAS. I HONOR THE TEXAS FLAG.
This week is gonna be super crazy for me. DX
mon. - nothing! :D
tue. - TAKS. xP
wed. - dress rehearsal. missing five classes
thur. - musical's opening night
fri. - still got the musical
sat. - last day of musical
..and then I'll be done! That's like the busiest I've been in my life. D: I know, I suck. Last week was pretty hectic too. It feels like I've been going to rehearsals forever.
So like, I have to learn all my cues by tomorrow because dress rehearsal must be treated as a big day. :o
1st scene: backstage corridor.
...
omg. i forgot my first cue. ;_; I SUCK!
Well for scene changes, I don't have to memorize them because they're taped to the wall backstage so I'm good. =D
As for my curtain cues...
All I freakin' remember is "IN VENICE!", "2 minutes til opening" (something like that).. and like that's it.
*cries*
--
EDIT:
@IRIS
This is the list of items I wasn't able to tell you on the phone cuz I was afraid you would buy them for real.
HO BABY. I'm not gonna wait for Christina's consent anymore.
That's the stuff available in America that I could receive for my birthday. :D Get all or some. :D Or one. :DD LOLOLOL. I approve. You can buy these for me. CUZ IT'S MY BDAY AND NOT HERS. FRANKLY SHE DUN'T GET MY APPROVAL FOR TONS OF STUFF IN THE FIRST PLACE SO WHY SHOULD I GET HERS.
(I KNOW. "WTF YOU LIKE AMERICAN STUFF?!!?!"
Yeah, I know that's what you're thinking.
Um, I live here. Of course I wouldn't be a hermit and be completely non-American-stuff-approved.
sdfaeerhgfvsdrytyy7gb.)
Have fun shopping. :)
♣ Shrin
♣ 05:17 PM eastern time on February 19, 2007
♣ TAG: Meme-likes
Just to clarify things, the list I produced below was a birthday list but not for a birthday party. I never had one. It was just that Iris wanted to buy something for my birthday even though I wasn't having a birthday party so she asked me what she should get me and I made the list below.
So don't go getting mad at me for "not inviting you to my birthday party" because um, I "didn't invite anyone". I couldn't have. I've been working late hours this whole week (except Mon) and I will be doing so on Saturday too. I have no time for birthday parties this week. I was working last week too Mon-Sat til 6pm so I didn't have much time to do anything (ie. HOMEWORK). And I've been sleep-deprived. (I haven't really seen my family for how many days was it? I don't remember. It feels like forever. Heck, I haven't gone on the computer since FOREVER. This feels weird.) After tomorrow I will be so refreshed and life will be normal again. I'm gonna miss work though. Being stressed out about making things perfect is sometimes exciting.
I'm like the unofficial assistant stage manager. I try to make things 110% perfect. Striving for perfection is hard and when it is not reached, it is stressful for me. I need to learn to calm down. Having everyone depend on me is not as easy as I thought it'd be. Today they've forbidden me to do work because I was doing too much so I just stood there feeling useless. I snuck out and helped them move the sets though, when no one was looking.
Because one of my biggest fears in life is to be useless. Standing there and doing nothing makes me feel this way.
I stand there in my little corner and watch everyone relaxed and dancing backstage. If only I could be that calm. Everyday I tell myself to be calmer and um... I forget to be calm when I'm ordering people to do things.
♣ Shrin
♣ 11:47 PM eastern time on February 23, 2007