And my Tabulas tradition continues. 

2009 is the big year. I'm going to turn 18. I'm graduating from high school. I'm heading for college. Let's see how I've changed physically through high school.

Pre-Elkins Freshman year - 2006

Sophomore year - January 1, 2007

Junior year - January 1, 2008

Senior year - January 1, 2009

LOL, I really don't think I've changed much. It just kind of seems like my features grew a bit "brighter," for lack of another word.

---

I haven't looked back at my '08 Resolutions since I made them, haha. This should be interesting.

1. I'm just gonna say it. Yobfriend onegaishimasu? I know that most likely it won't be as good as I think it'll be but still, I'm so inexperienced. ): I hate that my liking people happens every 2 years though because it has. And it sucks. That means my next one's gonna be in 2009? DDDD: WHY. - Didn't get the yobfriend but I actually broke the liking people pattern, which was an.. experience. Bad one at that. :/ (1/2?)
2. I need a job. Seriously. I've actually got "needs" now. - Bad experience yet again but accomplished.
3. I don't gotta worry about no SAT anymore. :DD But I still have to do well in school and all. Please get at least a 4 on all my APs this year! - LOL.. um.. I suck. The 3 doesn't even count for NYU though. =P (2/3?)
4. I seriously need to figure out what I want to do with life. ): - Eh, I'll go through Business and live with it. At least I found a major. I'm pretty sure that's what I'll let myself do for the rest of my life. :/
5. Procrastination is stressful. No more procrastinating! - DDD: LOL, I procrastinated even more this year. I'm procrastinating right now! Yay for not working on Chapter 1 Wiki!
6. Work out. I get tired from just climbing stairs now, which most likely means when I get older, I just won't be able to move. ): I don't wanna suffer through life like that. - I played more football this year, but that's like once a month so I don't think that counts. :/
7. Like food? I'm too picky. I don't eat much, which just results in my not eating. Why am I so skinny? That's why. It's gotten to where I can't eat much anymore, even if I want to. My body's not used to eating as much anymore since I haven't done so for so long. - I'm more open to more foods now but I get picky when I'm moody.
8. Be a good child. Everyone around me says I'm a horrible, useless child. The only thing I'm capable of doing is making good grades, but if that's all I can do, that's still pretty useless. - I don't really think I've been one. :/
9. Learn Korean. This is actually a straightforward resolution. I want to be skilled in the East Asian languages. Plus, lots of people think I know Korean and they ask me stuff but when I say I don't, I feel that I'm letting them down. - I learned teacher sayings. Woo, useful Korean. (1/2?)
10. Be better at Chinese. DD: My home language and I majorly fail at it. It's quite sad really. - LOL, I kept telling myself to do this this year but I did nothing for it. I suck.

Dammit, I fail! 3/10! Down from last year's poor 5/10. I'm getting lazier every year it seems. :/ If I cheat with my cheating points, I can bring it up to a 4 2/3 out of 10... haha. よし。いきます。

1. Calm down. People, even my friends, are starting to think I'm way louder than needed. I don't want my annoying loud-ness to boil over into NYU and have haters there as well.
2. Survive with good habits in college. Learn to budget wisely. Eat healthily. Sleep well.
3. As Livia said, be more comfortable in my skin and let loose. I don't dress up because I'm scared. I don't even know why. It's just not me. I'm an awkward person.
4. Own at East Asian languages. More specifically, be able to formulate a few useful sentences on my own in Korean and speak Chinese better by maybe speaking it more often or listening to it/reading it more. Ha, two of last year's morphed into one.
5. Manage time more wisely. That way I can get enough sleep. Don't put off homework. Scheduling time frames is good. I actually follow day-by-day things better when I write out exactly what I should do, even though I don't really do it half the time. D:
6. Learn to cook at least a dish. I'm a really sad female. I don't know how to cook. I should at least learn one so I can more easily learn others when I have to. I won't survive the world otherwise.
7. Keep in touch with friends. College separates many people. I still want to see the people I've cared about these years.
8. Sell off books and clothes that I don't want anymore. Half-Price Books and Plato's Closet are good places to check out. Either that or donate. I'm heading towards the next phase of my life. I don't need clutter.
9. Audition for a play in college. I feel like doing this for fun, as a risk to take. I'm always behind the scenes. Maybe it'd be a nice change and it might give me a fresh new perspective on things when I'm the one being directed. That is, if I get a part. But this is my stretch resolution. Kind of like a dare. It's exciting.
10. Film some kind of short, story or music video. I really want to experience the production process again, but I don't have the guts to. Time to get over it.

I like that I gave myself a lot more straightforward short resolutions. They're easier and direct my path better. I need things to be specific.

---

First two sentences of each entry this year. I will ignore the Happy New Year entry.

January - HAI HOMEWORK. I've finished it and all but I still have to study for US History and I don't even think I'm gonna be studying the right things because I kinda half-assed the study questions.
February - So the last few weeks I've been hanging out with people and such. I haven't really hung out for a while and stuff so it was nice.
March - NYU - I plan on early app-ing this because I don't know why, but I really want to go here. ): I signed up for an information session of it on April 13.
April - If an Asian, a prep, and a black girl ran for English Honor Society president, who would win?
May - No entries. D:
June - (from LJ) HAY GUYS. I'm back again because.. well, I don't have my life anymore to take up all of my time.
July - I'm trying to be a good kid by scheduling out time for my summer school-related stuff, even though I reallllyy don't want to. I decided to read 3 chapters of my summer reading each day.
August - When I was picking Noone up from Iris's, I stepped out onto the street for some fresh air while waiting for her mom to come home and I suddenly felt fleeting bits of pain on my feet. I looked down and noticed that my feet were covered with ants!
September - Since I'm still awake at this hour and haven't talked about senior classes yet, I might as well do so and double-post. Tech Theater - Mrs. Cope is really nice and funny.
October - (private entry) Even when confiding in people, I withhold some things because I still care about how others see me. People really do end up the stupidest when they like people.
November - LOL, I just downloaded three musical soundtracks: Sweeney Todd, Hairspray, and Little Shop of Horrors. Musicals are fun.
December - Mark your calendars for Sunday, December 21 at 2:30pm! We will be baking a Tres Leches cake at my house for the Christmas holidays!

Life went by so much that I didn't write as much. ):

An overview of 2008:

January - Applied for NHC Film, a big step because had been scared of trying film for the longest time.

February - Hung out with Elkins people for the first time. Threw a party with everyone after a dry year. Considering them "friends."

March - Slept over at Claudia's, bonding with the girls. Got to UIL District!

April - Ran for English Honor Society President, big step because showcasing myself so highly was scary for me. WON.

May - Became hostess at Buffalo Wild Wings. First SAT II, US History, amazed myself with a 700.

June - Learned Japanese from an actual Japanese person. NHC.

July - Quit BWW! Late night dramas. Nicely organized and decorated LJ entries.

August - Tour bus trip in the West. Made paisley tank and school bag, actual usable things. Olympics. Many ITS things.

September - Hello Tim. Ike. Dying fandom. Finished NYU App.

October - I actually, for the first time ever, tell a guy that I like him. What a brave soul I was. Lots of birthday planning and surprises! :]

November - Obama. The Research Project is over. ITS Festival, the joys of Sweeney Todd. An eventful Thanksgiving break. But the fighting starts. Finished UT App.

December - Homework load relaxes. Snow, but only a little! Over Tim. Caleb attraction. Accepted into UT and NYU! Many hangouts during the break, late nights.

I think I changed, or rather stepped up, a lot in 2008. I took lots of chances. I became a more confident person. I could get things done. I became closer with my friends. So much has happened. Friends have changed from the beginning to the end. Claudia and I aren't as close as we used to be. I made more guy friends the last half of the year. I can't believe all of this happened in this year.

2008 makes me proud.

♣ Shrin
♣ 12:09 AM eastern time on January 2, 2009
♣ MOOD: determined
♣ READING:The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien

Go again.

I changed my hair by combing my side bangs to the front, giving off the illusion that I have long soft bangs, haha. Then I wore a school girl looking outfit, complete with a bow and a skirt. I looked like a total fob today. People were like, "You look so amazingly asian today. D:"

It was kind of fun though, but unlucky for me because dang, it was cold today. LOL. Not the best day to wear a skirt.

I had a lot of guys either hit on me in a way or say I looked really nice. Okay, a lot means like 5 but still, that's a lot in one day. And also, these were GUYS. Guys usually don't compliment girls' looks because they don't notice half the time, lol. So pretty impressive I have to admit.

Now I'm home, and I'm tired, not in the mood to do homework. Totally dead. I just copied all the answers for my homework straight from the back of the worksheet. Yay for thinking!

So dead that I can't really write either. :/

♣ Shrin
♣ 11:47 PM eastern time on January 5, 2009
♣ MOOD: drained

1 more time(s).

A couple of days ago, Tim calls me for help on the calc review. We end up talking late in the night about just random stuff. 10:30 pm to 1:00 am. 2 and a half hours on the phone. I didn't exactly get enough sleep that night.

Wow. I hadn't talked to him in like, forever. It was actually really nice to talk about just random stuff like we used to do. I think I'm more chill with dealing with him now that I don't like him anymore. The thing is, he doesn't know that. Eh, I'll tell him some other time. In the meantime, we're good friends. He actually suggested to meet up tomorrow to do the calc review together. The last time he suggested for us to meet up was sooo long ago. I think we're on good terms again. We walk together willingly after school every day and I'm fine with it. I don't think it's weird.

It's nice to have a guy friend to depend on. I don't think I'd ever want to go out with him though because he broke my heart many times when I had merely liked him. He also kind of goes back on his word a lot, something I would not be able to deal with if I went out with him. Some guys are better off as just friends.

And noting that, I guess "guy friend" and "boyfriend" have different roles to fulfill. (I used to think that a guy friend can easily be a boyfriend without having to change the relationship very much, just the labels.) To be a guy friend, you just have to be there to listen and support and hang out and whatnot. Normal things. To be a boyfriend, you have to do all that, along with keeping your trust with your girlfriend. You can doubletake on things with friends, but never things when it comes to your girlfriend.

Crap. IDK how to say what I was trying to say in the previous incoherent paragraph without using actual details from what I experienced.

On another note, today I brought my laptop to school for a test run to see if I could get away with watching dramas in my nothing classes (Office Aide and Study Hall). Totally got away with it. :D The counselors' secretary even gushed about how cute my laptop and laptop carrying case were. Now I have something to do during those exams then, which I'm still kind of mad about by the way, for them not letting us leave for those exam hours. I wanted to sleep in during the 2nd period exam. ): And leave for lunch during the 6th period exam. ):

Also, be jealous. I only have to study for two exams. Environmental Science and Government. Ha. >:D Seriously, senior year has totally been so chill ever since the research project. I've said this so many times already, but homework really did stop being a "load." I'm not objecting to it though. :D

♣ Shrin
♣ 12:16 AM eastern time on January 10, 2009
♣ TAG: those essays i seem to write
♣ MOOD: good

Go again.

Well, I think I've totally been overcome with senioritis because I hadn't tried all year, and then when it came to exams, I tried to try... but I wasn't very good at it, since I hadn't all year. D:

Exam Grades so far:

English - 73

Environmental Science - 72

Calculus - 99

I hate how this reverse psychology thing or whatnot works. I thought I did pretty okay on my English and E. Sci. exams, at least 80s. As for Calculus, I didn't try that hard on the exam, so I surely didn't expect the grade that I got. :| I've been complaining this whole week about how I hate that everything worked out that way because seriously, I didn't try on Calc because I only needed a 56 to still have an A. I actually needed the good grades for my other classes.

I know I shouldn't care anymore because I'm already in college and all, but it kinda sucks having your expectations being shot down like this.

 

♣ Shrin
♣ 04:30 PM eastern time on January 16, 2009
♣ MOOD: discontent

2 more time(s).

I'm going to be 18 in exactly a month! D:

Which got me thinking about what I want for my birthday, since people will be asking.

First off, I really suck at thinking up things about myself. If you ask me to describe myself, list my favorite things, or whatnot, I usually have a hard time coming up with an answer. It's like I don't quite know myself yet.

It's true, though. I really don't know myself. I may be growing up, but I still have a lot to learn about myself. I'm still doubtful about what I really want to do in the future and if I'll actually be able to accomplish it.

But I'm a person of the present. I prefer not to think about my future that much. I usually concentrate on what I'm going to do now.

Anyway, as I've implied, I don't know what I want for my 18th birthday. Nothing exactly tangible, that is. I think for the most part, since I'll be off to college in a completely different city and completely different state, more than 1000 miles away from home, I just want to make the most of everyone here. Hang out as much as I can with my friends here because as pessimistic as it may seem, I don't think I'll be seeing most everyone anymore.

Yes, the hanging out with friends thing is so generic and normal and not amazing at all, but that's really all I want.

As for actual physical things, I'm really all for non-generic presents. Something personal: inside joke, something handmade, pictures!, something to remember everyone by. ): Or something that I've mentioned that I wanted, which shows that you've paid attention. :) I'm all for sentimentality.

I've actually thought about this and the nicest thing ever would be like a mega video of random stuff, like messages to me, people's first impressions of me, thoughts of how I've changed, and the likes, nicely edited together with music and stuff. I've always wanted something like that that I can go back and watch and cry and stuff. I blame dramas for having those memorable things and stuff. :X

BUT don't take this as a sign that you all HAVE to get me this! LOL. Because I like surprises the most. But that also doesn't mean that you have to get me something else, lol. I was just saying that if I had to think of something I'd want for my bday, that would be nice. :D

I like surprises the most though.

♣ Shrin
♣ 09:47 PM eastern time on January 18, 2009
♣ MOOD: reflective

2 more time(s).

misGRAFFED v9 © Shrin 2005-2009. Layout created and coded by Shrin. Header pics from random pics saved on comp, hosted on Photobucket. "Misgraffed" is from A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act I, scene I, line 139.

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