And I believe that saying good-bye to the people with whom you've spent the rebellious, heart-breaking, fabulous years of your youth is my next stop.
At least for me it is, since I have a gap period where I'm watching as my closest friends leave.
I don't know what I would've preferred to have to do.
Leaving before everyone else would've made me a bit sad inside because I'm already on to the next step of my life while everyone is still lying back waiting for their turn to go.
Leaving around the same time as everyone would've been a weird mass of good-byes because we're all entering a new world together right away, but just in different places.
I guess I accept that I'm the last to leave out of all my friends. Although it's sad that I must see everyone go, I'd like to do that, be with them until their ends, tell them my final good-byes as they're saying theirs, and have my own time to soak it all in in the end, instead of being forced to rush into college right away.
"Everyone's gone. Now it's my turn to go."
I still have a little time before I can say this.
I said my first official good-byes today. It was inevitable that I would cry while trying to brush it off and keep my cool, cry while typing about it right now.
I didn't know how to spend my last day with them to make it all count because I knew this would be the very last time we would all be able to be together as the good friends we were. Sure, we'll meet up later, but things aren't the same when there's distance. That's why people say that long-distance relationships don't work.
I'm glad Callie planned to have the original group get together one final time at the top of the stairs just like old times. I'm glad Kenny drove all the way from St. Thomas to come do this. Too bad Fang had to leave as Kenny came.
I miss the times where it was just the 6 of us, talking, playing board games, whatever to pass the time merely because we could with each other. Strange and sad how summer split us all apart, but I'm glad we could do it again one last time before we all left.
So we just played Pictionary. I took many random pics as usual. The guys left earlier. The girls stayed after to just talk. Same old, same old. It didn't even occur to me that this was Callie and Lauren's last day here before college. The three of us drove to Lauren's at 1:30 am to eat creme brulee. Lauren ran over a possum on the way there. We talked about animals and anything.
Callie looked over at the clock and declared that it was 2:30 and that she needed to get home because she had to get up early the next morning, with Lauren concurring, with me realizing this was the end. And I did just as mentioned above: I tried to say my good-byes as normally, as calmly as possible but of course, I couldn't help but start crying while receiving a hug from Lauren. Callie dropped me home and hugged me as I let my tears roll. I went inside and accepted the need for good-byes.
I realized the best way to spend the last day was to spend it as we would spend any other day, because there wouldn't be another "any other day" like this one anymore.
I thought I would cry during graduation because its huge ceremonial treatment would've been enough to suck my eyes dry of tears, but I felt absolutely no feeling. It was just like another day, except I had graduated.
I guess it's because afterward, we all forgot about it and just continued to spend the rest of our time together doing the usual as if nothing'd changed. Graduation really is just a big over-polished show. The real time for memories and tears is your last days with your friends right before college, when you all finally must move on.
Good bye, Callie and Lauren.
♣ Shrin
♣ 03:50 AM eastern time on August 21, 2009
♣ TAG: those essays i seem to write
♣ WATCHING: life going by
Go again.